Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Steven Ryan Datu's LiveJournal:

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Friday, January 27th, 2012
3:21 pm	contact me! scaredycat@cox.net 702-939-6958 wrestling in endlessness despair, freeing one's mind from distractions inherent within, bobbing up and down for apples, catching not even one, the eternity of it all seems so mind numbing, trying to stay wide awake, my strength deteriorating praying that I will be ready when you call, hoping nothing will change and I will remain true forever, ..incomplete (1 Comment |Comment on this)
4:47 am	contact me! scaredycat@cox.net 702-939-6958 raging in my mind, you exist circling endlessly above like a vulture ready to devour its prey contemplating every second before another moment occurs feeling free from all the inner turmoil inside you remain their steady as she goes why are you poking fun at my nakedness why are you poking fun at my vulnerability missed opportunties, we are in the 4th world waiting for some divine intervention silent grumbling remains a desire left unfulfilled I remain here as unchanged as ever waiting, waiting endlessly in time we will meet again, this time for the first time unaware as ever you are, aloof in the bliss of it all wanting you close, drawing you near every step towards you, is a step in the opposite direction are these thoughts all I have of you, it's half experience what else could be missing? the real you, the real me together groaning every now and then, restless movements on a winter's night summer draws near, sunshine is every poor man's hope heat warming us up, the final rays of light to cherish we share this final warmth of days before a new transformation coming to an end, the end of conflict and war, the beginning of goodliness wishing the moment would last, but knowing what is beyond is better what will we change into? will we forget our past? don't take away these sorrowful memories, don't take them away I want it all to be reflected upon, I want it all to be remembered the past, the present, the future, don't purge anything from the books erase only the unhappiness, but don't erase the depression seeing you, seeing me, we seem like aliens speaking differently languages yet I know you, I am aware of you, I feel you, hurt stranger alone I am, with only thoughts to entertain, I am easily amused by you children playing on the street, together as ever, being carefully watched over by god so much and joy they are experiencing, the same joy that makes us whole again don't stop the flow of water coming down the stream don't stop the sound of your voice ringing in my ears sing to me in a broken cracked tone, you voice crackling like fire burning ember it warms my soul, knowing you knowing me, unitedly torn apart, for the time being do I want any of this to end? a little while longer now, breathing steadily in session almost in sync, can both our hearts skip to the same beat? please don't shy away from me now, drawing close, I uncover your secret hiding places i will never stop looking for you, I will eventually find you, destiny's priceless treasure counting the riches, throwing it all in the air, they fall endlessly like rain not wanting you to leave, I say these last things when we meet, it will be magical, you'll even surprise houdini if we were alive, our souls would rejoice at the very idea of each other's presence two stars in the universe, light years away from one another but the distance between them is a lot closer from god's standpoint wishing you were here, or I was there, so close and yet so far. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 26th, 2012
6:58 am	My telephone number is 702-939-6958! Contact me as soon as you can. I'm waiting to acknowledge how you've been. I wait anxiously with great anticipation. Call me secretwishes/ohohohno! Or anybody that just wants to 'talk'. 702-939-6958 email: scaredycat@cox.net Skype, search for "scaredycat@cox.net" for contacts. I'm listed as Steven Datu in Las Vegas, NV USA. Ready and waiting for you! (Comment on this)
12:12 am	Just fired off another cum shot load in front of my computer to porno. Despite all my reasonings concerning the act of committing adultery by looking lustfully at a woman. There seems to continue to exist the inner conflict within me regarding the masturbating act itself. Yes. Yes. There was a time when I felt absolutely free without any guilt whatsoever reaching climax and orgasming all over myself. But growing up it occurred to me, that perhaps the reason why it isn't as guilt free as before is because I needed to construct a control mechanism within me to prevent me from going overboard and becoming a porn addict. Guilt lingers after each mastubation performance to throttle my obsession to experience the orgasm again and again and again. Guilt is there for a very good reason. Instead of fighting against it, perhaps I should be thankful for it and respect it. I should take into consideration that although I am guilty for masturbating, I suffer no consequence for my actions except the remorse felt each time reaching climax. That's it. There is no whip or punishment. The only punishment is the internal sorrow I feel each and everytime I do jerk off to porn or jerk off in general. Guilt exists to stop me from over-masturbating. I guess guilt kinda feels good in a way, because it allows me to reflect on my feelings after the whole climax experience of jerking myself off to porn. It almost brings a tear to my eye at how great the feeling, and how sorrow the remorse the whole pre and post masturbating sessions have on me. It feels good to look at attractive mostly white women with a tad smaller than grape fruit sized breats bounce up and down reverse cow-girl style on a guy's penis, which I imagine is my own. The sound she makes as he's (I'm) giving it to her echoes in my ears, her body's delicate curvature, and supple waist, and her outrageously gorgeous face make the fantasy of fucking her all the more real. I'm actually the one having sex with in my mind. It is me who is inside of her as I stroke away, knowing full and well, that every sound she makes, is a reaction to me giving it to her right then and there. The feeling is real, the sound is real, the sight, what I see as I beat away myself into oblivion all come into play. The as I am orgasming, I look down at myself and see my load explode over me in short 2-3 second bursts. It is finished. I fucked the shit out of that hot girl in my mind. She was most definitely fucked by me in MY MIND. I fucked her because without her and her body, her presence in front of my computer screen, I never would have climaxed the way I did. It was because of her and well, ofcourse the male porn actor, that made this experience of mine pretty much as close as you can come to doing it, without actually doing it. Thank you for the fine performance. Now, guilt time. Despite, all the indications that tell me that what I experienced was sex with a woman. Deep down inside, I know it wasn't me that was having sex with her, it was the idea of me having sex with her. I feel like what I did, was have sex with a woman, in which countless number of other men did the same thing. Maybe this is where guilt is justified. For me to actually believe in my mind that I had sex with a woman, in which others did the same, it makes the woman a whore, a prostitue, and me one who committed adultery in the sense I wanted something that wasn't mine. The woman isn't my wife. I have no right to have sex with her. I lusted after her. I have no right to do what I did to her in the first place. But at the same time I didn't really do anything physically real to the woman. Is killing someone in your mind the same as killing someone in real life? Are we charged for thinking about killing someone or actually killing someone? I suppose that to look lustfually at a woman is to commit adultery with her in your heart. But the thing is, I am not married. I am unmarried, even if she was married, and I masturbated to lustful thoughts about her, the adultery I committed isn't fully fledged adultery since the porn I was looking at was something she was aware of. If a woman shows herself naked and having sex as consenting with her will, you are no longer looking at lust towards her, as she is allowing you to lust after her and therefore you aren't committing adultery with her. But on the other hand, you see a fully clothed woman on the street or on a magazine, and she isn't wearing anything that provokes lust like a swimsuit or lingere, or basically anything that seems to make her look sexually attractive to you, then you have not committed adultery with her. The only time when one lusted after a woman and committed adultery with her is when she herself DID NOT WANT to be lusted after, or that she was unaware of anyone looking lustfully at her. You did not commit adultery with her if she exposes herself in a manner in which she herself is aware and in a way is hoping for someone to be looking lustfully at her. Lust by definition is desiring something that does not belong to you. But in the case of the woman displaying her naked self in porn, it's not committing adultery with her, because she is fully aware others are looking at her lustfully, it is not lust if the woman allows it, therefore the saying, to look lustfully at a woman is to commit adultery with her should be rephased as, to think about having sex with a woman who does not know that she is being thought of in a sexual manner, IS to have committed adultery with her in your heart, otherwise, all you've done was give in to the charms and spells of a female prostitute. But in no way shape or manner did you actually commit adulery with her because you weren't looking lustfully at her in the first place. You weren't looking lustfully at the porn actress because in order for you to have looked lustfully at her she would have first needed to be informed that she are was going to be lusted upon, and since she agreed to be taped or recorded in various sexual occurances, it was not lust, it was love. Since she has agreed to show herself being naked and having sex fully aware that others were watching, as the case with most pornos, all you simply did was share a sexual experience with someone willing and allowing you to share a sexual experience with. In the end, I suppose it's better not to masturbate at all, but if you do masturbate to porn, you should be aware that the woman was aware she was being recorded, and that you weren't looking lustfully at her since she knew right off the bat that she was going to be looked lustfully at by others. Remember, to look with lust at something is desire or want something that is forbidden to you. A porn actress is not forbidding others to look sexually at her because she has consented and allowed herself to be taped, she is granting you permission to see her in a sexual ways. Therefore, not lust, not adultery, but, dare I say, love? But why the guilt? I guess guilt still remains because despite the porn actresses permission, if she really had a choice and a little more true love, she wouldn't have chosen this pathway of being a porn star. It's the woman who is the exploited ones in pornos. So in a way by agreeing to watch porn, you are supporting the mass exploitation of women in the porn industry. If the woman really had a choice, I don't think she would have chosen the path of the porn actress way of life. I mean, it's pretty much taped prostitution. So I guess I have explained my guilt well enough. I feel sorrow not because I committed adultery. But because I am supporting something that deep down inside is hurting someone, the woman. I doubt that most prostitutes are genuinely, truely happy. The guilt is there because an injustice is going on in the world, women being made into prostitutes with most of them not realizing or knowing what they are getting themselves into or the full affect of the consequences of their actions. I suppose there's no masturbation in heaven, only love. I believe in heaven we would have found no use to pleasure ourselves physically despite our innate desire to procreate in this less than heavenly world we live in today. Men won't masturbate anymore, they will love. I am not sure if we will even have sex anymore. Perhaps since we all live forever, there will be no more need to procreate to continue the human race. We will become like angels, perfect in everyway. Our beauty will not provoke an ounce of sexual fervor. So yeah, most likely, no more sex in heaven. Just lots of love, true love. The greatest love in universe is non-sexual. You don't need to have sex in order to show love. Sex is very unecessary, it can only do harm. But you want to know what's scarier? What if you were forced to have sex or sleep with her against your own will? Now that is bad. Somehow she knew you were the faithful Adam, and now that she has you in her clutches she can do whatever she wants to you and actually force you to have sex with her. That is every saint's nightmare. To be at the mercy of the whore of babylon and her spell and have no way to fight against it. To me it was like the woman anal sexed me. So she had sex with me, but I don't think she took away my virginity. She fucked me, but I didn't actually fuck her. She somehow grew a dick and anal sexed me, but my dick was never inside of her. So we had sex, but rather me fucking her, she fucked me - in my ass. I was ass raped by a woman with a haldol injection. The injection in my ass was equivalent to a woman transforming herself into a man and ass raping me. It was that bad. Yeah. The haldol injection WAS the ass rape. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 25th, 2012
3:10 am	Anyone who has sex is gay? But what if you just desire to be with men more than woman? I'm not saying that I desire to be more with a man more than a woman when it comes to sex. For example, I would much rather see myself being sexual with and towards a woman much more than with a man. But what about men who feel turned on more about guys rather than their opposites? I would much rather prefer that a woman call me hot that a guy call me hot. If a guy were to call me hot, I would think, you know that's nice, but would feel a bit dis-jointed or uncomfortable. When it comes to porn, I really do avoid male-to-male porno. I fear it. Why? Because I'm afraid I might like it? Possibly. I don't want to like it. I don't even want to test the waters to see if I will like it or not. It's like doing drugs. It's really a choice I make. I decide whether I am going to want to be attracted MORE to the opposite gender rather than the same gender. Some choices are harder to make for others. But I believe it really is all a choice. The only choice that I feel wasn't ours to make is our birth or existence on this planet, in this world. I felt like if I had the choice, I shouldn't even be here. Somehow, God of the universe was running out of spirits to fill the human population, that since so many people were having hetero-sex orgasms with each other, God had to put or fill these new human baby bodies with spirits that were worthy of their mates. You see, each mate has a particular spirit of God that when combined, invoke the invisible spirit of God to manifest a new soul or spirit in proper place of the two original human-flesh body souls transforming their spiritual seed into one new seed. I was the result. The problem was, I was quite happy being an invisible, indestructible, spirit of God, perfect and infinite in everyway. I was pure bliss. I did not know, yet whatever it was I did know, didn't matter because everything was perfect. But now comes physical existence. I have no idea how such two spirits of God, (my parents), created me from the infinite life pool of souls or stars we see in the night sky. Think of me as one of those distant stars, and two people reaching up, high, so high, and plucking one out of the sky and putting it in a human body. That's me. I have no idea how they were able to reach me, but I was way up there, so fucking high above all the rest, and yet, still, becaues of their "love", they pulled me from the distant God and brought me to earth and named me Steven Ryan Datu. Getting back to my point. I am NOT suppose to be here. I never wanted to come here, but because of my parent's blind affection for one another, I am here now. I simply cannot believe that this particular couple was able to bring me down from the heights I originally came from. God of invisible spirits and souls felt as if it was my time to leave the perfection presence, and be born as their human child in this human world. Dammit, this sucks. I was perfect with God, unknowing, since God knew everything, I didn't have to know a single thing, as long as I was with God, he sent me a spirit down to this shit-holio to encapsulate a human body with the name Steven Ryan Datu, as given by my whore mother-Babylon. And now I'm here with you fucks (j/k, it aint' as bad as I am making it sound). Still, I was with God, and now I'm without God. And I am going to die, unless, I do something that will somehow make my journey here worth it's while after all. So I'm a fallen star. With knowledge of the tree of good and evil. My quest? To seek the tree of life. The rivers that flow from them on either side, as a spring of life giving water available to all without cost. My book? The bible. My guide? My internal feelings and emotions, concerns and worries about life in general. My feelings and thoughts are like the compass the guide me along this quest or journey for the spring possessing everlasting life. I don't think I was born to die. I was to live. Why are we born? It seems a crime that every child born into the world is going to die. So much possibility, so much opportunity, so much hope for a newborn child, to somehow believe at the back of one's mind that every birth date, has an death date. I feel like I'm here to get rid of the death date. No child should ever die again. Once you are born, you are born into the Kingdom of God, where the tree of life, that same tree which we had free access to in the begin, will be ours at last re-united with it at the end. God planned it like this, so that all men and women are brought back to God in Eden. Or the New Jerusalem. The holy city. Tis a good city we build for all the inhabitants of the earth to prosper and live by. Perfectly square. 12x12. 144. If I can just find at least one or two of these 144, I think I'll be okay. Where are you 144 thousand followers of the Lamb? Where are you? Find me, I'm here. I live in the Sin-Capital of the world, Las Vegas, NV. Find me 144,000, find me! Find me, 144,000, find me! Find me 144,000, find me! Find me 144,000, find me! Find me, 144,000, find me. I'm here in Las Vegas, NV. Steven Ryan Datu. Please God find me! Please God find me! Plesae God find me! Please God find me! Please God find me! Please God fine me! Hiding away as a scaredycat again. Oh yeah, my telephone number is now 702-939-6958. Ask for Steven, I'll say hello? You'll say, "Do you know who this is?" I'll say, "You are whoever you believe you are, and I believe exactly whoever you believe you are to be." You'll say, "I am God." I'll say, "Cool, Hi God, can I be God too, if you don't mind?" You'll say, "Sure, the two of can be God, I have no problem with that." I'll say, "So God, what you've been up to?" You say, [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<fill [...] you've>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] I'm not saying that I desire to be more with a man more than a woman when it comes to sex. For example, I would much rather see myself being sexual with and towards a woman much more than with a man. But what about men who feel turned on more about guys rather than their opposites? I would much rather prefer that a woman call me hot that a guy call me hot. If a guy were to call me hot, I would think, you know that's nice, but would feel a bit dis-jointed or uncomfortable. When it comes to porn, I really do avoid male-to-male porno. I fear it. Why? Because I'm afraid I might like it? Possibly. I don't want to like it. I don't even want to test the waters to see if I will like it or not. It's like doing drugs. It's really a choice I make. I decide whether I am going to want to be attracted MORE to the opposite gender rather than the same gender. Some choices are harder to make for others. But I believe it really is all a choice. The only choice that I feel wasn't ours to make is our birth or existence on this planet, in this world. I felt like if I had the choice, I shouldn't even be here. Somehow, God of the universe was running out of spirits to fill the human population, that since so many people were having hetero-sex orgasms with each other, God had to put or fill these new human baby bodies with spirits that were worthy of their mates. You see, each mate has a particular spirit of God that when combined, invoke the invisible spirit of God to manifest a new soul or spirit in proper place of the two original human-flesh body souls transforming their spiritual seed into one new seed. I was the result. The problem was, I was quite happy being an invisible, indestructible, spirit of God, perfect and infinite in everyway. I was pure bliss. I did not know, yet whatever it was I did know, didn't matter because everything was perfect. But now comes physical existence. I have no idea how such two spirits of God, (my parents), created me from the infinite life pool of souls or stars we see in the night sky. Think of me as one of those distant stars, and two people reaching up, high, so high, and plucking one out of the sky and putting it in a human body. That's me. I have no idea how they were able to reach me, but I was way up there, so fucking high above all the rest, and yet, still, becaues of their "love", they pulled me from the distant God and brought me to earth and named me Steven Ryan Datu. Getting back to my point. I am NOT suppose to be here. I never wanted to come here, but because of my parent's blind affection for one another, I am here now. I simply cannot believe that this particular couple was able to bring me down from the heights I originally came from. God of invisible spirits and souls felt as if it was my time to leave the perfection presence, and be born as their human child in this human world. Dammit, this sucks. I was perfect with God, unknowing, since God knew everything, I didn't have to know a single thing, as long as I was with God, he sent me a spirit down to this shit-holio to encapsulate a human body with the name Steven Ryan Datu, as given by my whore mother-Babylon. And now I'm here with you fucks (j/k, it aint' as bad as I am making it sound). Still, I was with God, and now I'm without God. And I am going to die, unless, I do something that will somehow make my journey here worth it's while after all. So I'm a fallen star. With knowledge of the tree of good and evil. My quest? To seek the tree of life. The rivers that flow from them on either side, as a spring of life giving water available to all without cost. My book? The bible. My guide? My internal feelings and emotions, concerns and worries about life in general. My feelings and thoughts are like the compass the guide me along this quest or journey for the spring possessing everlasting life. I don't think I was born to die. I was to live. Why are we born? It seems a crime that every child born into the world is going to die. So much possibility, so much opportunity, so much hope for a newborn child, to somehow believe at the back of one's mind that every birth date, has an death date. I feel like I'm here to get rid of the death date. No child should ever die again. Once you are born, you are born into the Kingdom of God, where the tree of life, that same tree which we had free access to in the begin, will be ours at last re-united with it at the end. God planned it like this, so that all men and women are brought back to God in Eden. Or the New Jerusalem. The holy city. Tis a good city we build for all the inhabitants of the earth to prosper and live by. Perfectly square. 12x12. 144. If I can just find at least one or two of these 144, I think I'll be okay. Where are you 144 thousand followers of the Lamb? Where are you? Find me, I'm here. I live in the Sin-Capital of the world, Las Vegas, NV. Find me 144,000, find me! Find me, 144,000, find me! Find me 144,000, find me! Find me 144,000, find me! Find me, 144,000, find me. I'm here in Las Vegas, NV. Steven Ryan Datu. Please God find me! Please God find me! Plesae God find me! Please God find me! Please God find me! Please God fine me! Hiding away as a scaredycat again. Oh yeah, my telephone number is now 702-939-6958. Ask for Steven, I'll say hello? You'll say, "Do you know who this is?" I'll say, "You are whoever you believe you are, and I believe exactly whoever you believe you are to be." You'll say, "I am God." I'll say, "Cool, Hi God, can I be God too, if you don't mind?" You'll say, "Sure, the two of can be God, I have no problem with that." I'll say, "So God, what you've been up to?" You say, <fill in whatever it is you've been actually up to>. I'll say "Really?" Then I'll respond, well I've been <blah blah blah>.. Hopefully we will be connected at this time. And most likely you are a fellow brother, for I doubt I can have this conversation with a woman. It might be worth a shot, but I doubt I can make believe a woman to be God. Most of the time, it's been men who I've been able to convince they they are God/Jesus Christ/.etc...so your mileage may vary. But yeah, we should be connected, I THINK if we start out the conversation as outlined above. And when I mean connected, I mean, we will feel as if we are one and that the Almighty himself is in our presence. From then on, we will have to be as honest and forgiving and trusting and caring for towards one another. If there is something we don't understand, we should speak out. We cannot hide any of the lurking deep thoughts in our mind. For example, I did connect online with one person who I believed was God. And this person believed that God was Satan. And despite my truest and deepest and most honest of this man, he was speaking from his heart, and I was speaking from my fears. I did not want to believe that God was Satan also. I wasn't ready for that. But now I believe that Jesus Christ, Satan, God are all the same. We are all the same. Everyone is the same. No one is different. We are all bad. We are good. We are evil. We are all saints. All of us are God. Just like there is One thing considered human. There are many humans, but only one type of human-being. We are all the same. (Comment on this)
12:09 am	Well your welcome. For the information. It's all about the information. you're welcome. So it's been a long ass time since I posted. I'm still alive. Amazingly...resurrected from the dead? Far from it. Anyhoo. Just to say some quick shoutouts. Hi and stuff to the girl that wants guys to eat her shit. Been awhile, hope you are still kicking the shit out of all the guys that want to eat your shit. I'm 31 years old now. And doing some research. I can safely say that for nearly 3 decades, I've been one hellueva abstinent mofo. Try NOT having sex for 30 years and see just how much mindful yoga power you will have accumulated. Ok, 31 years for me, but I just rounded it down. Damn, I'm awesome. I'm so cool, I haven't had sex for 31 years, how cool is that? Don't you wish you were as cool as me? Damn. Anyway, society and mass media has polluted your mind saying that losers are me. When in fact WE are the winners. Or shall I say "whiners". I would like to take the time now to say that that a man-whore or gigalo, or the guy that gets laid more times than all the bricks that had to be layered to build the great wall of china, is in fact GAY. Yessiree. I'm putting that out there right now. It has a good ring to it and it means well to me very much indeed. See, we see the woman who sleeps around with any man be deemed or termed as a "slut" that sounds very derrogatory. Gigalo doesn't sound derrogatory at all, it sounds more like a juggling act. A gigalo juggles, you know? But the word "gay" has a common understanding or inference that can be deemed as derrogatory, similar to "slut." So there. A man who sleeps with a lot of women is GAY. While the woman who sleeps with alot men is a slut. Ok, whore is pretty bad too. I have yet to think of a corresponding term that will suffice for the whore-slut. I guess, off the top of my mind, it would have to be the gay-fag. Yeah. That will have to do. So there. I hope it's settled now. I hope everyone will agree with these new definitions to the commonly used words of english speaking slang. So I am not gay. So where do we put the those men or guys who want to do sex-related acts with others men or guys? I guess I would classify them as gay men who are not gay. I think this coincides perfectly because: gay men are men who lay a boat load of women. A gay man who is not gay, is one who doesn't lay a lot of woman because he doesn't find women as attractive as men, all the while not laying a boat load of women because of it. I hope this is beginning to make sense now. So there are 3 classes or definitions which I feel are more appropriate and better understandinds of the word gay than it's common understanding known widely and accepted today. They are: You are gay. You are not gay. You are gay AND not gay at the same time. Being gay should be defined as a man who sleeps with tons of women. Not being gay is a man who doesn't sleep with any women. Being gay and not gay means a man who doesn't sleep with any women because he prefers to go to bed with men instead. I hope this makes sense now, and I hope the world will change their view of gays in the military. Because to me, everybody falls unto one of the 3 understood definitions described above as to what the word "gay" should mean. So you're GAY, you're not GAY, or you're GAY AND NOT GAY. Being gay and not gay as you can clearly see by the terms used contradict one another, which is intentional, because to be gay and not gay is very difficult to do. It's a hard life to live, to be gay and not gay AT THE SAME TIME. The people who fall under this category as the ones who are most grossly misunderstood by society, and it does make me feel uncomfortable to imagine me being gay AND not gay at the same time. Because it's weird, you know? It is fucking weird to be GAY and not GAY simply because you are being BOTH at the same time. How can you be BOTH? That's almost like saying I can possess a vagina and penis simultaneously. How does one develop sexual attraction to the same gender? I think the problem lies with the failure to put to question the thought or emotion that first sparked an attraction to the same gender. Somehow in your thinking you failed to criticized and punish and ridicule such a belief as sexual attraction to your gender. You didn't correct, failed to correct, didn't want to correct, didn't bother to want to correct the original thought that came to your mind of desiring to do something sexual towards the same gender. There wasn't enough will power to defeat those thoughts that spontaneously erupted in your mind that sparked same gender sexual attraction from spreading and over-powering your ability to choose the opposite rather than the same. Basically, I have had feelings of wanting to fuck another man, but in my mind, I caught myself and punished, and ridiculed, and thought to myself what a FUCKED UP WEIRD WAY TO THINK, and immediately changed my mind. The gay not gay person didn't do this in their mind. They were caught up in the loop and to a certain degree surpassing the point of no return, fail and continue to fail to stop entertaining same gender sexual imaginings. What about the BI person? The Bi person is in fact, ALL FUCKING 3. The BI person is the one who sleeps with women, as much as they sleep with men. So Bi is UNIVERSALLY GAY. So now it seems there are 4 definitions of GAY in this new way of looking as to what GAY really means. 1) You are Gay. 2) You are not Gay. 3) You are Gay and NOT gay. 4) You are Universally Gay. Or Uni-gay for short. I think that has included everybody. Except those of us who aren't GAY. Like I said, you're either GAY or you're not. Even those who are NOT gay, are in fact Gay, because they have a little of Gay in them. Just because you are Gay and NOT Gay at the same time, doesn't take away from the fact that you are GAY to begin with. So basically not being gay means, no sex. So I am not gay because I don't have sex with anybody. Sex takes two people. Since I don't have sex with women or men. I am not gay. Sex invovles two people. There is the definition that every sexual encounter must invovled two people. It is not sex if you are by yourself. Sex always involves 1+. Anything 1 and below, is not sex. So there. I am not gay. I have never had sex. I rule. The rest of you are a buncha fags in seemingly greater and lesser degrees. I stand out. Cause I'm not like any of you. Please don't rape me. I don't wanna be raped. That would take away my non-gay status. And I like NOT being gay a LOT. So please don't rape me or make me GAY like the rest of you. I don't like being fucking in my ass, it was a rather unpleasant situation in the mental hospital. I was being ass raped by this druged call haldol. Or something. It was being adminstered to me in the ass, and I believed it to be equivalent to being ass raped. She was fucking in my ass! With her rubber artificial inseminated haldol penis filled sperm injection. :(((((( I was never the same again. Okay. I tried to bribe my way out of the whole situation by trying to convince the woman there that I would eat her pussy. I believed that eating isn't the same as cheating. Which means that eating someone out is NOT the same as sex. I feel I can still remain being not-gay status by licking a woman's clit. As long as she promises not to forcily fuck my penis off. The moment my penis is inserted, in her vagina or ass, that would make me gay. And if a ton of woman were to all take turns placing their vaginas ontop of my penis, that would make me HELLA GAY. And I don't want to be either. So my hope, is to just eat her out, and that she'll leave me alone and not force me to intercourse her in any way. The whole intercourse thing I feel is idol worship. You are worshipping whoever it is your are inserting your dong into. But I feel it's scary to imagine that there are women who are really men, and vice versa. If someone sticks one inside of you against your will, you are being made gay by the one who's sticking it inside of you, being a woman, but playing the man's part. It's when a man disguses himself to be a woman, and takes on the role of a woman to have sex with you, it's all about making you gay like everyone else. Okay, I fell o sleep in front of the computer. I can't really remember exactly if I believed the woman was really a man or if the man was really a woman. It seemed like she was really man disguised as a woman. So weird to me. Anyway. Yeah. Stuff. Will post soon more about stuff on my mind. Am I really back? (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 18th, 2011
4:20 am	http://www.megaupload.com/?d=T297Y4N7 (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 17th, 2011
8:44 pm	ok ok ok. My parents love me very much. I was just wanting them to love me for the wrong reasons. Ok ok. I really feel that the messiah (myself), should make himself known to the world in a very unmistakenable way by September 30, 2011 - Friday. Prepare yourself, you're all going to be in for a large surprise. Just wanted to let you know ahead of time so that well, I know it's really hard to believe, but I'm praying and trying to make it all come true. I really do want to make the messiah come to the world between now and September 30, 2011 - Friday at the very latest. Take care everyone. God bless (I bless? heh!) Peace, and good things and tidings! Ok, thinking about christmas for some reason, but that's really just a winter freeze, brrr, cold. Ok peace on earth and good will towards all men and women and children! Love, The Messiah (Steven Ryan Datu facebook) Reach me at 702-430-1800. Fear the lord JEsus! Rofl, ok, maybe not? I pray, and you pray we all pray for the return of the lord! Peace. Peace. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011
10:30 pm	I have everything. But why don't I believe my parents love me? They give me everything I need to sustain a very very comfortable life, yet I'm aware of a gaping hole. My parents don't love me because they themselves do not believe in my words when I tell them, my and dad, you don't love me. It's when they get defensive is how I know that their love for me isn't real. It's when I get angered when my mother says she loves me and immediately shuts the door as a sign of ignoring my yearning for help. Parent's you cannot fool me. The love you show me for me is a facade of what really lurks deep in your souls. Why can't I feel the deep seated love you have for me every waking moment of my life. That is what I need in order to really live and survive in this world. You don't have to get me anything else except the core of your being which is true love manifested upon itself. If we would only love one another as God loves us. Everything would be okay. I understand the experience of God's love for me as equal to my parents love for me. For it was through them I was created. Without my parents I would not exist. God gave me my parents, and I was given to my parents by God. My parents do not love me. They say God is Love. Am I simply waiting for my parents to "God" me? Will my parents ever "God" me? Yeah, I think that's what I want. True God. True Love. God me now goddammit! Peace..rofl. Mama, where is my peace? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 13th, 2011
1:24 am	Over spending to fill that emotional hole in you. I like to think that sad or unhappy people aren't blessed with what I have been blessed with. Time. I've been given plenty of time to think and analyze why I feel the way i do about things. People are simply trying to survive in the world, they don't have time to think about how they really feel about things because they are just too busy trying to survive. By bettering myself I can better society. Not at the expense of my fellow neighbor, I hope I don't better myself by putting other people down, that defeats the purpose of wanting to make the world better. But what can I give of something I do not already have? I must have something to give. Talent and know how with computers is something I can give for free once I finish schooling and know the ins and outs of computers very well. That's what I want to give the world, and I'm sure the world could use that very well. It's my own knowledge about computers which is what is valuable. That's why school is important because it helps in that area of learning an expertise. That is my goal. I want to be able to solve any computer problem right off the bat. I want to come to keen understanding of computers so that no problem is to big or small to solve. I want to solve any computer problem quickly, adequately, and without trial and error. Whenever a problem comes up, I will know exactly what the problem is and be able to fix it with ease and skill. That is my goal, I hope I reach it. I've been given so much time to think and comprehend, and I don't know why I am so afraid to use my time efficiently and without fear. I feel like I don't want to learn the things that give me a tough time because I fear that I won't have enough time to do other things like - nothing in particular. I'm so afraid to want to learn things which pose a challenge to me because deep down I feel I simpy don't have enough or don't care to have enough time to study them. I feel like my time on earth is limited. But this is utter nonsense. We are on the pathway to eternal life, everlasting life. Yeah, we may die, but we also resurrect. What else does it mean for the dead to rise? If Christ can raise the dead, why can't we? Didn't he bestow upon us power and grace from God to do just that? Does God really want to be above us all in a high place where he reigns supreme alone by his lonesome? Or does God want to be with us, live with us, breathe with us, be like us, die like us, and return back to life. What if Christ's resurrection has something to do with faith and belief. Although the odds are it never did actually happen, you believe that it happened and because of your faith that it happened, that is what made it happen. You believing that Christ rose from the dead made Christ rise from the dead. Because of your faith and belief in him rising, is what made him rise in the first place. What would the church be like without all non-believers? The church exists to show the non-believers the truth. And homosexuals. Do you really want to romantically kiss the same sex? Do you really want to have sex with the same sex? So you want to have sexual relations with a man as does with a woman but without the woman and with the man alone instead and vice versa? And all of this feels just fine and dandy to you? You don't feel any sort of remorse, guilt, fear, or any kind of uneasiness inside of you that provokes a kind of doubt in your mind questioning the very essence of your being? Do you dare even question your own person/self? I just feel it to be awkward to desire to want to have sex with another man, being another man. I like to run and hide from the very thought of it. But likewise, I also like to run and hide from the very thought of being with a woman because my thoughts about her are filled with lust and sex if she is one who seems attractive to me even the slightest. I do not feel this way about a man, which is why I find it easier and somewhat more desirable to have a conversation with a man a tad bit more than a woman. It doesn't mean that I do not desire a woman, it's just that I feel differently about the two. On one hand I imagine myself being romantically invovled with a woman, on the other I can have a free-from-sex-lust-thoughts conversation with a man. One is filled with the possibility of sex, the other is not. It's the whole idea of having sex with a woman that makes me feel so out of place like an alien species from another planet. At least when I talk with someone who doesn't pose possible sex, I'm less mad and somewhat more sane, but that craving for the woman never really goes away. All physically attractive girls drive me mad because it's so primal instincts that goes on in my head. Just their physical attraction is a deception, and yet I am easily deceived. That's why unless I am alone, I shun all physically attractive girls, unless ofcourse I become so bold as to tell a girl to her face that I want to sleep with her 5 minutes after we've met. But that is my dilemma. I don't talk to girls on a daily basis so my primal thoughts and feelings about them are just - primal in nature without any sort of finese or know how to play the game. So I run and hide from girls unless I am emotionally compelled to scared the shit out of them by wanting to sex them right off the bat. I am sorry. I don't like being distracted by anything outside my own way of thinking. My mom likes watchint the travel channel, I like delving deep into why I feel so damn sexual. If only I could talk sex with a woman and not actually engage in it, just talk about it as we are both restrained in opposite corners of the room. I imagine I would tell her what I would do to her if I wasn't restrained and woule like wise listen what she would want to do to me if she wasn't restrained. That would be fascinating. That God for restraints though! Ok, didn't stick on topic on this one at all. Just felt like blurping this out at night. night. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 28th, 2011
5:41 pm	My mission, my ultimate goal. Okay, let's say I finally finish a college degree in computer engineering, and that I can fix any sort of computer problem no matter how complex or small it may be. Good. I've mastered the skill of the ultimate PC troubleshooter/programmer, yeah! Ok, now what? I use my knowledge and know how to serve humanity to make it really good for a lot of people. How? I work for free, for the most part. The only catch is that I will compile a list of certain things that people want and what not and bring it with me or post it somewhere where it's readily accessible. It's called the Master List of Wants. Hopefully people won't put something vague as they want more money, because money is pretty much useless by itself. You really don't want money, you want the things money can buy or get you. Yes, it may seem that you want money, but in reality you want the objects money can buy or get you. For example, you cannot eat a dollar, well you can but you'd rather spend it on a sandwich that you can actually enjoy. Ok, so I will be working my ass off for people and the only thing I ask in return is if they can somehow fulfill or contribute to this master list of wants that people who I've helped need and want in their lives. I can be a soda pop, or it can be something really expensive. My goal is to get more and more people to do favors for one another to the point where we no longer need money in order to survive or live in the world. If everything was free, nothing would have value. No-thing will have value. See, the reason why doctors get paid more than your average worker is that they invest so much more time and money into becoming a dcotor with the hope that they will earn a lot after they finish. But if everything was free, including education, then your movitation for doing anything anymore will simply be because you have the desire and want to do so for it's own sake, not anything else. I guess I want to become good in computers cause that's what I'm already fairly decent at at the moment. So if I can be the best at it, I can help the most. But what do I really want to do? I want to be God. Whatever that means. I want to be able to do anything I want to do, kill myself, resurrection myself. Like in a video game you can die and come back to life the next moment. I guess I want to do that in real life, and run around and just go anywhere I want to go in the universe as free as a alien bird. Aliens? Hmm. I don't really think there are any aliens, it's just us, and we can create new life if we want too, but dare I say that we humans are the masters of the universe? We are the ones who made all those monsters and alien lookalikes in the movies, it's US who make these things, nobody else. It comes from the human mind or imagnation, everything comes from the mind, and where is the mind? Somewhere..out there, near your heard abouts I'm sensing. Somewhere near the top of your body, maybe at eye level or something round abouts. Ok ok. So now what? That's my goal. I want everything to be free. I will study and work hard to make everything for free for everybody but first I must compile a master list of people's wants who I helped. You should only get the wants of those who you've helped. There's no point in getting the wants of people that you haven't helped cause well, hmm, well I don't know cause you haven't helped them yet and you aren't really aware of their wants or desires. Try to help those who you've helped in the past more so that you can build a good bond and hopefully they will desire to join your quest to serve people as much as possible. But yeah, I want to be the master computer fixer programmer. That would be the super ultimate BOMB. BOM BOM BOM! BOM BOM BURAN! Ok. About those sparks of LIght that I see but haven't seen at all since typing this stuff up. I think that's me in the future peeking at myself here and now. It's like an open peep window at what I'm doing right now as observed from some really far and distant future which I am also. Okay, spark? I don't know if I can view all of what I'm typing now, probably not, but maybe I can at least get some idea that I am doing what I'm doing which seems like the present but all of what I'm doing has already been recorded and saved and I'm just viewing it for observational sake. See, the spark occurs in front of my eyes, so it's like looking straight at me, so it can only see my frontal face and what not. But yeah, that's what I want. I want to be able to work basically for free, and ask that those people who I helped do the same or at least try to fulfill one of the many wants that the list here is compiled. Yes, I'm sure there will be those in the beginning who will just give like 1 dollar or buy something worth a dollar. But I hope with time, people will be contributing more and more and I must work for that ultimate goal. And if I am to die in my flesh seen body, I know that I gave it my tried efforts, a dream that I never really gave up on simply because I believe it to be the best possible world for humanity. It sucks that i have to die trying in order for anything to really get accomplished. I guess when you die your spirit is set free and can influence and make come true your wildest dreams and imaginations you never knew you had possible. Christ always dies. And if I am Christ, I freaking masturbate okay?!? TO PORN TOO!! Straight sex though. I fear man to man gay sex, but I think lesbian stuff is somewhat okay. So if you are another Christ out there, and you masturbate, know that this fellow Christ does it too. Just want you to know that God jerks it. Well, at least God in the flesh seen physical seen world. Mmama!? OH no my mom!! Mom!! MOM!!!! ooh. Ok. Ok. See you. Mama! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 14th, 2011
2:54 pm	sorry, you have the wrong number.. I don't know, about 9:30am my time someone called the house, and I'm not sure if it's someone who read this or not. Anyway, the guy who answered the phone was my dad. he doesn't know that I posted our telephone number and address here. Hmm. I'm pretty sure if I told them, they will want that information removed right away. Ah well, I just want to tell people that I'm here, and that I'm trying to do what is right and proper in my life. I know that I feel afraid and that I let my fears get the best of me more often than not. But I'm trying. i know I an be trying harder, but I'm really scared. I'm scared of everybody. i can't tell my dad how I'm feeling because he doesn't like talking about such things. I promised my mom that I wouldn't bug her too much during the regualr days of the week because she is tired from work. So it's me with these restless feelings of indecision and doubt that come to my mind like a rain that never stops coming. I'm not complaining, I wish I could be more transparent with my parents, and my dad cause he's here right now and he likes watching tv. Not sure what will make me feel any better. Being able to talk about my concerns and worries with those who love me? Is that really too much to ask? Maybe not, but I feel afraid to voice my concerns repeatedly because it raises my dad's blood pressure. He has high blood pressure, so what am I to do? Just keep it all inside and let my feelings churn up inside of me endlessly making more of the same shit until it reaches the top of my head? Why is it so hard for me to believe that my parents love and care for me? What is my malfunction? I don't think I'm malfunctioning, what I want doesn't seem to be over the top, wild or extraordinary. What I want is a listening ear from my dad. i want to feel like I am their center of attention, even for a moment, and know for a fact without a doubt that they love me. If I knew, this, would I be bugging them so much? Hmm. We'll see. mama! dad da!! Mama!! oh, mom! mom. dad. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 13th, 2011
4:46 am	2012. So why 2012? Just a year from now? What can I say, people want the world to end, or at least come to some sort of dramatic conclusion to the strife, war, stress, and overall unhappiness in their lives. Okay, 2012 is a conspiracy. People were expecting the world to end in the year 2000. Something was suppose to happen. Then in 2001, nothing happened, so we killed two twin towers. Oh shit, still nothing happening, ok hmm. Let's try 2012 now. Okay, shit, 2012, pass still no JEsus, still no Christ, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Ok, first of all, chill world. I'm here. Jesus Christ, Or Steven Datu. Or 3076 Blue Monaco St. Las Vegas, NV 89117. Yeah, that's my home address, now you know where I Am. Please no harassing calls, as I'm trying to do what my parents want me to do. See I'm 30 years old right now. About the right time for Jesus to begin his ministry right? Yes, I know I haven't been doing what I ought to be doing in order to make the world a better place for all. But dang it, give me some time, ok? Some Time? Like I said, I'm coming soon. My phone number? 702-448-1701. Steven Datu. Yeah, that's my birth name, but I've come to realization that I am Jesus Christ or the Christ. But well, I'm not trying to pull your leg or anything, I'm just trying to calm you down. Do you think you can wait for me to finish college first before I go about dramatically changing the world? You'll see after 2012, they'll come up with something like 2013, or 2014, or 2020, but they want the world to end in 2012. Or something dramatic to happen, but nothing is going to happen, not because something is suppose to happen, it's just that I am not ready yet. Like I said, I have to finish college. And I'm just starting my second semester in computer engineering. So if you can wait 4 years, for me to study and learn and become a computer engineer so that I can hack the planet. But to be honest, making money isn't my goal. It's helping people for free as much as possible. If you want to pay me, that's fine, but if you don't that fine too. Whatever eases your conscience. But like I said, I want to help you because you need help, as a sign of genuine help and concern for my fellow neighbor. So there, the information is yours, do what you will do. I just ptray that you do a holy and faithful thing. Please don't come kill me or harm my family. Just ask for Steven and I'll chit chat. But if not, at least you have the information. So there. I am here. I am trying to make the world come to an end, but not in a way that movie depicts it as some sort of bomb explosion or a third of the world being wiped out. There is enough death in the world. Why do we have to kill a ton more people just to prove God's point or presence in the world? This is how the end will be. A large crowd of people will gather. Somewhere in the midst of them a person would feel so compelled to speak and yells, "Peace Lord Jesus!" People are shocked by such an outburst, and stunned. The group goes on. Then once more you here in a loud voice, "Peace Lord Jesus!" People look around and see this person in their midst, someone like a child but not really sure what to make of him. Finds his way to the center and keeps yelling Peace Lord Jesus! He looks all distraught and confused, frightened and nearly scared. Peace Lord Jesus! There is something very peculiar and different about this person. Diagnosis, Bi-Piloar/Schizophrenia. mental illness. I'm mentally ill? Well that blows. But I'm jst like you I just feel a bit differently than most, that's what makes me different yet the same. I'm the same human, I just have certain feelings/thoughts/emotions that you don't have or aren't as aware of as I am of myself. I am very aware of myself and who I am. Normal people are just going through the motions of existing in life and not really living life. Yes, they are alive, but are they really living? Yes they are living, but are they really? Like, for example, do they experience the world as I do? I'm sure they experience something similar to me, it's just my ideas and perceptions and understanding is a bit different. Why are you correct in saying that I am mentally ill? Why do I need to be corrected in my way of thinking and behavior? Just becaues I fail to function somewhat normally or adequately as everyone else, why do I need these anti-psychoic medications? Who's to say that the person who diagnosed me is infallible? You're a doctor and you make no mistakes in diagnosing patients? Yes, it's back by years of research and evidence, and yet you still do not know why it happens. What have you learned from all that research? Why does this happen to this sort of people and not other people? All you notice are certain trends. You say cigarrettes are known to cause cancer, and yet it is not the definite cause of cancer. Until you can prove to me that you've found the root cause of such diseases, much less mental illness, ok ok ok. you are here to help me. I'll give you credit for that. But I feel like if I am mentally ill, it is by own choosing, at least by the sort of mental illness I have. But at the same time, I cannot help but want to desire to feel this way. So it's like I have a choice to be mental while at the same time it makes me who I am to be mental as you so describe my condition. Thank you for wanting to help me. But who says that you do not need help either? Are normal people so much more perfect than us mental patients? We give you nomrla people something to do, study us, ponder us, know who we are. Rather than just classifying us as mentally ill, why not say, we are mentally gifted? Doesn't that make it somewhat more politically correct. Or mentally unique or special. That doesn't make us look as much a victim as the latter. Mentally unique, I like that. I am mentally unique. Nice :D. Listen to me, really listen to what I have to say, rather than thinking I'm crazy, you might learn something with an open mind and be transformed to other thoughts of places that you never new possible. Resurrection of the dead baby. Let's raise our dead. All our past loved ones, let us raise them. I'm here, like I said, call me, 702-448-1701. But I gotta study so that I can be smart with computers and figure them out back and forth. So. Yeah, call me Steven if you want that's my birth name. Or call me JEsus. Hell, call me Satan if that makes you feel even more comofrtable,, they're all the freaking same thing - names. They're just names that describe a particular human creation. All are the same. Everybody is the same. We are all human. we are all God. We are all Jesus. I don't want to say we are all Satan, cause then just makes pepole feel really sad and confused. So, yeah We're all Jesus. That's a bit better, ya think? Ok. I think I'll research my studying now, or just sleep, we'll see. Toodaloo! (Comment on this)
3:40 am	Ideas for movie script The Jew. Jews like fighting. Our culture today is riddled with violence and death. But let's say the Greek's are the first peaceable, rational, and the originated of all western thought. Flashback. A greek's family is being slaughtered by a Jewish tribal leader. Savages these jews, they kill relentlessly without end. Jews take what does not belong to them. What belongs to anybody? If you can be killed, you lose all that you have. Should I kill my neighbor to retain what I have? Or should I be killed by my neighbor and let him have all that I will leave behind? What is the right thing to do? Enter Jesus. 2000 years ago a perfect man came into existence to live among us. Where have you gone Lord? I know you are near, you are me, I am you, but nobody believes. It's okay, keep believing, time will speak the truth. Love is what God is. I am Love. I am not sex. I am love. Sex is too much of a physical sensation, and while love can be expressed physically, it is felt more emotionally through tears of pride and glory. Continue with flashback. Greek's family being slaughtered by Jews. Before killing the head of the household, the father, he cries out, I will let them have my life, my family, and everything, as long as you promise to do one thing, says the Greek to the Jew. Take my life and my family's life believing in the One governing reality of the many. Believe in One. The Jew swears to the Greek, slices off his head and makes an oath to believe and follow in the One reality governing all things in existence. The start of Judaism, the belief in one God, monotheism. Jesus, you perfected life 2000 years ago, what else is there to know? They believe you are God. A man born into the world, has the truth of perfection set inside of him. Sinless. I ask you, what is sin? Sin is lack of faith. Anything not of faith, is sin. So if you can kill yourself believing in the Lord Jesus, you are saved. IT does not say that masturbation is a sin. If you can masturbate without a shred of doubt or lack of faith, you are not sinning. Anything not of faith, is sin. If you say I believe in God, and begin to question it or doubt, you are committing a sin. What can you do in your right mind and say boldly without doubt, I believe in God! I cannot. Not many people can, it's a challenge. By like that Gigli movie, do that thing which scares you most, and good things will happen. Face your fears. Confront that which makes you afraid. No don't harm yourself or kill yourself just to prove to others that you are not afraid. I want to chat with you if you feel this way. I am here to heal you, help you, comfort you, understand you. We are the holy ones from the Most High. Everyone on earth is a holy one from the Most High. Is there anyone else out there who isn't a holy one? Everyone is a holy one of light. I see what I know to be true. I know I can never have real physical sex. I masturbate to porn, but that is different. You cannot say that physical real person to person actual sex is the same as watching other people do it on your computer and pretending to be there sexing the woman. Yes, it may seem like you are and everything about the experience seems to make it really real, but it isn't really really real until you actually experience the woman's presence, living, breathing life force presence next to your naked self. But God or monotheism is like that popular song that everybody connects with right away. Everybody might not be EVERYBODY, but it more or less is the overwhelming majority. Well the whole thing about a Jew murdering a greek, was really just a spice up and over dramatization of my point. It may or may not have happened that way, I just got it from reading my philosophy book. But I like to conjecture that Jews got the whole idea of sacrificing lambs through some sort of divine blessings. Jews really had the ability doing what they did, rituals and ceremonies that help make the world a better place for all. I don't know how such rituals ever originated and why. It just truly amazes me how it all happened, really, I don't know how. Maybe it's good I feel so sinful and distracted by masturbation. It's something that reminds me of my sinful imperfections. There has to be a reason for everything. This particular Christ wannabe has a stumbling block on the whole sin related sexual masturbation ordeal. Very very good. I should be studying right now, but I really want to convey these thoughts that hopefully will inspire some sort of movie script, but I doubt it, hah, well I tried. Ok, I go do something more productive now, see you.. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 6th, 2011
12:10 am	Who are you? Who am I? Jesus is both human and divine. It's like saying Jesus is both perfect and imperfect. That in itself is a contradiction. Jesus is a contradiction to the whole idea of what it means to be human and God. But if he is just like us, and all of us are equal, that must make us God also. If you are not Jesus, who can you be? What is the only other alternative to being holy? It's being unholy. And there can be no middle ground or path to follow when it comes to the love of God and your neighbor. So all of us are called to be holy. All of us are called to be God. All of us are called to be the savior of the world. Don't you wish you were the hero? Don't you wish you were a star. Well you are, all of us are, everybody is. Everybody is God, everybody is Jesus. Just think about it. If you believed in your heart that your next door neighbor was God, wouldn't you at first fear him? Then after awhile that fear will subside and you will love him as holy of holies. And think about doing this to everybody you meet. If you loved everybody the same way you love God, don't you think the world would be better off? There is no greater love than to give one life for a friend. And God calls us all friends and willingly gives his life for us. No way am I perfect, but no way am I completely imperfect. All I have is this desire for people to love one another more and trust that all people are GOOD regardless of how bad we might make them out to be. Does God create mistakes? Everyone who is in existence have their names written in the Book of the Living. EVERYONE, even unbelievers. There are only unbelievers because us believers believe in their unbelief. If we were to believe that these unbelievers were actual believers in disguise, things will surely fall into place. Someone may say they don't believe in God, but just because they say that doesn't mean they know what they are talking about. Basically, I'm not convinced that they don't believe in God. Deep down inside I know they do believe in God, because I believe in God and all of us are the same. Everyone is a holy one from the Most High. I was created just like you, I have my fears, shame and guilt, but I realize that at least in a forum like this, I do not have to be afraid. In person I'm a bit different. I question all my motivations and thoughts before engaging with people. I am afraid. I am afraid of people. It may not seem like I am, but I am. I'm afraid of being who I am around them. I fear rejection and ridicule because it affects my ability to love those of whom I am afraid of. I haven't perfected love yet. I know punishment is in store for me. The burning wrath of God against my fearfulness towards his creations is always knocking on my door. I am unable to love. I feel powerless to truly trust and love my fellow human. This is the torment that I experience everyday. The guilt and indecision and lack of care/feeling/emotion/love towards God's people is what is stopping me from living life. I have hid myself from the world for many years. And I don't know how to place my trust in God's hands and his people to embrace, love, and accept me for who I am. The Savior of the world. But just because I am, doesn't mean that you cannot be. I'm sure you want to join me on my quest to establishing the everlasting kingdom of God on earth to its fullest. And I am in no way going to hog all the glory for just myself. It's like asking me, God, can I become just like you? And I say, yes ofcourse, you can become just like me even greater than me if you wish. You can rule over me if you wish but not in the sense that you understand. To be greater than me is to desire to be less than me. Humbling yourself as a servant makes you great. The greater the servant you are, the more great you actually become. And a servant is one who humbles himself before others. The more you serve the greater you are. And Jesus was the greatest server of them all. He loves us until the end and beyond and we await his return. You are the Lord Jesus, I am the Lord Jesus, let us try now to encourage one another with this simple truth so that copies of God can spread like seeds planted and nourished on the earth to sprout trees of life from the spring of life giving water for all to drink from without cost. Eternal life is our word. We are called to help make heaven on earth. A place where death is no more and all of us have free access to God who will wipe away every tear from our eyes. The grace of the Lord Jesus be with you all. Amen! (Comment on this)
Monday, May 16th, 2011
1:06 am	Remember, that you wanted to be Jesus? Hopefully this video will encourage your journey. No need to masturbate, as you've done so in the past. You've experienced the orgasm and it was pleasurable but filled with guilt. Try to imagine bonerfest but without becoming too obsessed about it. The non sexual boner or platonic boner is what bonerfest is about. Believe in the Lord, he is near you if you draw near to him. But hang in there all the while. Rest whenever you must. Just realize that the inclination to want to jerk off happens. Don't give into it. Masturbating is not necessary for you to exist in this world. Channel your sexual energy into something else. It can be channeled by other means. Just because you don't masturbate doesn't mean that you will start molesting children or rape women. All it means is that you are avoiding the temptation to commit a sin that makes you feel guilty. The goal is to focus your energy into something that isn't sexual, praying that whatever you focus it on, will release whatever tension you may have in a productive, constructive and not self destructive way. Keep praying to God to help you. He will help you if you believe in him. The more you feel tempted, the more you should rely on his grace. He will not let you down. My God, My God, why have you abandoned me? I was reading several interpretations as to why Jesus would utter such words. And the one that I like is like a man yelling out in pain for himself in the way someone says Dammit. But God is saying "Oh my God, Oh my God!" Why have you abaondoned me?" The interpretation was that Jesus was talking to all those people around him. He was asking them, "his God" "Why have you abandoned me?" Why have you left me here to die? Why abandon me after all I've done? My God My God! I guess I felt something similar like this. But I realize once I got really scared and began to lose the faith, that's when my dad came to the rescue. It's something that I don't clearly quite understand, but alas. Get to know this video, I'm there with you Steven. Try to be like Jesus ASAP, he's waiting for you to achieve you grandest dreams. God wants all your dreams to come true. He believes and loves you. Believe and love yourself now, show the world that God can exist as a person, identifiable and alive for all to see, witness, interact with and love. The world is waiting for you. Don't disappoint them, I know you won't. Keep trying, until you succeed. Remember, the world loves you. Don't be afraid anymore. Love is not afraid. Don't be. Remember? They all love you! (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 30th, 2011
4:56 pm	Still an asshole, but here's an update. So basically the girl who wants guys to eat her shit told me to make a post discussing three things. #1, what I would do if I had no choice to smell/eat her shit. #2 my sister has the hots for angelina jolie and wouldn't mind being a lesbian if she could be with A.J., and #3 that my blog posts right now are pretty important and that I should update it on a daily/frequent basis along with any youtube videos I make that coincide with the posts. So yeah, would I put my head on a pillow filled with this girl's shit? Hmm. I think we are on to a new wave here. What I noticed is that when my mom farts, she likes to fart in front of my face, and yet, joke about it. Could this be some type of hidden trend that is developing deep within the recesses of the female community? I wonder.. But umm, hmm. I'm beginning to wonder if a lot more women are like this. Still this just can't be coincidence, you think? So even jokingly about it, my mom would fart in my face. Praise to the girl who wantes guy s to eat her shit! She helped bring about a revolution of girls who are afraid of saying that they want the exact same thing! Woohoo! But I don't wanna be gay. I also thought that the girl who wants guys to eat her shit were the same as the two other people I've talked too in the past. I could have sworn they must have been playing tricks on me. Signing into yahoo as 3 different ppl, but they are not the same person? I thought they were, but I guess they really aren't? Really aren't huh? But they all seem so similar. Well, at least two of them seem more close than meets the eye. But what would be the point? Of having 2 separate identities? Well who cares, I just want us all to walk out of this as really cool friends all of us, and no hard feelings between any of us and just be like peas and carrots. So my sister has the hots for angelina jolie and wouldn't mine being gay (lesbian) for her and her alone. But I don't know, umm, the media makes movie stars like angelina jolie really pretty when in fact they aren't all that pretty to begin with. The media and all its glamor just makes them look pretty, they make them look surreal and super real, I mean, that's their job isn't it? So we shouldn't feel or be surprised when they show movie starts who look super fine. I mean, sex is sex, the orgasm is an orgasm, it doesn't really matter who you are screwing to a certain extent because even though the most beautiful you screw, after you are done screwing, you feel not so interested in her after having sex. It isn't like you could have sex for 10 straight years and still want more. So just find an average looking girl, and fuck her. Stop trying to look for the most Hog Girl, because once you are done masturbating or having sex, you are satisfied and you really don't care about her super hot looks anymore once you are satisfied. But taken to the greatest extreme. Screw the ugliest girl you can find. Only because all girls will get old in this dying world, and what does it matter what a girl really looks like if her beautiful is only as lasting and fleeting like the summer air? So fuck the ugilest girl out there, just to make her feel good about herself. Man, I don't have any sex whatsoever. Which is good, so that I level the playing field between the ugly and the beauty. So no girl can have me really. Although I wish the pretty ones would have me, but that would be unfair to all the unpretty ones. And in the end they all become unpretty. Until ofcourse we are able to sustaion life forever in our flesh bodies. In the resurrection, and forever young youthfulness of all people. So she likes reading my blogs because then she has the time to read them because they are saved forever, at least forever until everything gets blown up are thrown away. So yeah, I will do my best to post as often as possible. So yeah, I must post videos and I must post text which accompany the videos. I hope she isn't mad for me showing a picture of herself to the guy who wants to remain private about his girlfriend and the shit between them. Literally. So yeah, thank you for the peace. And I say peace to you. Why am I always hiding behind this impression you may get that I feel comfortable talking about what I'm talking about now. I honestly feel very weird and awkward telling you about it. But I press on in the face of self inflicted insecurity. I press on. So ok, that's it. Take everybody. I'm here but I'm not. Thanks John for that :P (Comment on this)
Friday, April 29th, 2011
12:09 pm	This one's a little different, using ustream.com (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 28th, 2011
3:54 pm	It's about a 10-12 second delay....sooo....yeah Heheh, i can hear myself typing...it's so freaking loud! HAhah! I guess I'm somewhat of a fast typer. But not that fast. Like not guiness book of world record fast! I wish. I keep pressing the delete key a lot so... (4 Comments |Comment on this)
3:53 pm	Yeah, so like leave comments and stuff (shit!) again, that url is --- >> http://members.cox.net/scaredycat/webcam.html (1 Comment |Comment on this)